The Manitoba Herald:Sounds plausible, doesn't it?
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party and the fact Republicans won the Senate are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . "The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though." When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to President Obama said, "We're going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. We might even put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out."
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Border trouble up north...
Border trouble up north... Reader Simi L. sends this piece along. I'm pretty sure it's tongue-in-cheek, as the Manitoba Herald was last published in 1877 :)
IC 410: the Tadpole Nebula...
Dogs: data vs. popularity...
Wanna start an entertaining fight? Follow these steps:
- Gather a number of dog lovers in a room
- Shut the doors
- Toss a copy of this chart into the room
- Run
Farcical...
Farcical... Bret Stephens in today's Wall Street Journal:
As headlines go, “ Obama Moves Close to Calling Russian Action in Ukraine an Invasion,” from a weekend story in the New York Times , must surely rank among the year’s most revealing. The Obama presidency has long been at odds with the obvious. Once this was called hope.A farce – that's a reasonably accurate portrayal of the entire Obama presidency. What a damned shame that the first black American president also had to be so ragingly incompetent...
Now it is generally recognized as farce.
Your feel-good story of the day...
I am no longer concerned about mainland China...
Consequences of ObamaCare, part 945,823...
Consequences of ObamaCare, part 945,823... Via CoyoteBlog, who describes one consequence to the business he founded and runs:
So, as a result, I am required by law, under harsh financial penalties, to purchase a product that is not available to me. Had President Obama required that I buy 2 pounds of rocks from Mars, the result would not have been any more unfair.Repeal it, Republicans!
Our income tax system is unfair!
The bottom line is very simple: virtually all net income taxes are paid by Americans in the upper income quintile.
On what planet is that fair?
It's even worse for residents of states with high income taxes (such as California, Massachusetts, New York, etc.) ... in some of those states, virtually all net taxes are paid by the upper decile (tenth)!