Einstein Weighs In...

Via reader Jim M.:

Remember this when you vote next November...

For my readers who are not up on their science: 185,999 miles/second is the approximate speed of light...

There Are Only So Many Cells...

I'm an engineer.  My mother emailed this to me.  Do you think she sent it for the political humor in it?  I'm not so sure...

All babies start out with the same number of raw cells, which over nine months, develop into a complete female baby.

 

The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead.

 

Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cell necessary to develop a male's reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female.

 

Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the communications center of the brain, migrate lower in the body and develop into male sexual organs. If you visualize a normal brain to be similar to a full deck of cards, this means that males are born a few cards short, so to speak, and some of their cards are in their shorts.

 

This difference between the male and female brain manifests itself in various ways. Little girls will tend to play things like house or learn to read. Little boys, however, will tend to do things like placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls.

 

This basic cognitive difference continues to grow until puberty, when the hormones kick into action and the trouble really begins. After puberty, not only the size of the male and female brains differ, but the center of thought also differs. Women think with their heads. Male thoughts often originate lower in their bodies where their ex-brain cells reside.

Of course, the size of this problem varies from man to man.

 

In some men only a small number of brain cells migrate and they are left with nearly full mental capacity but they tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking. Such men are known in medical terms as "Engineers."

Other men suffer larger brain cell relocation. These men are medically referred to as "Fighter Pilots."

 

A small number of men suffer massive brain cell migration to their groins. These men are usually referred to as..."Mr. President or Mr. Congressman."

Dead Horse Politics...

Reader Simi L. passes along a new variation on an old classic:

The tribal wisdom of the Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that “When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, best strategy is to dismount."

However, in government more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.

5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.

7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.

9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance.

10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.

11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.

12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.

And of course...

13 Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

If you don't understand this theory, you haven't lived long enough!

Classical Muscians Gone Wild...