Cowboy Rules...

Via reader Simi L. (himself a Californian):

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat ... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!

Out here in Lawson Valley, while we live by a set of rules that are a far cry from the metrosexual downtown San Diego rules, we haven't quite made it to the cowboy rules.  But we're closer to that end of the spectrum than the other.  And being the old curmudgeon that I am, I just love the display of American attitude!

Geek Humor Video...

This is the trailer of a mock movie, created to promote the JavaZone conference in Europe.  It's in (I think) Norwegian, but with English subtitles.  It's chock full of insider-geek jokes, right down to the names of the actors.  It's geeky-wonderful.  Via reader Simon M., whose email pointer to this greatly lightened my mood this morning (thanks, Simon!):

The DISCLOSE Act...

See this collection of links for all the disgusting details.  The Center for Competitive Politics has a summary analysis (and will send you a more detailed one).  The text of the bill itself is online. 

I'll summarize it like this: the Democrats of the House passed a bill that essentially “tweaks” the First Amendment in their favor –, by making it more difficult for anyone other than unions and certain favored lobbying groups to get their political messages out to the public.  If it manages to pass the Senate, Obama has already publicly stated that he'd sign it.  This would be just in time to make it harder for anyone other than the Democrats to get their message out in the upcoming November elections, which are guaranteed to be the most contentious in many decades.

The only good news in all this is that the consensus of legal pundits is that the bill doesn't stand a chance of winning a Supreme Court challenge (but of course, those take time and money).

    Rope.
    Congresscritters.
    Some assembly required.

Are you pissed off yet?  Let's throw all these bums out come November!