Don't Read This...

Can you believe this?  My own mother tortures me with an absolutely awful Halloween-themed pun:

A man is walking home   alone late one foggy Halloween night,  when behind him he hears:

BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...

Walking  faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an  upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward  him...

BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins  to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind  him.

FASTER...FASTER...BUMP...BUMP...BUMP....

He runs up to  his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and  locks the door behind him.. However, the casket crashes through his door,  with the lid of the casket clapping.

clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP....clappity-BUMP...

on his heels, as the  terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom,  he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the  casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and  clapping toward him.

The man screams  and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!  Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and the coffin stops.