Timeless Political Humor

Simi L. sent these along. Many of these I had heard before, but not all. They're all great – both funny and wise…

If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
– Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself...
– Mark Twain

I contend that for a Nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
– Winston Churchill

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
– George Bernard Shaw

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
– James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
– Douglas Casey

Government is the great fiction through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
– Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
– Will Rogers

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free!
– P.J. O'Rourke

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
– Voltaire (1764)

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
– Pericles (430 B.C.)

No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
– Mark Twain (1866)

Talk is cheap...except when Congress does it.
– Unknown (but widely attributed to Mark Twain)

The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
– Winston Churchill

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
– Mark Twain

The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
– Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

There is no distinctly native American criminal class … save Congress.
– Mark Twain

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
– Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
– Thomas Jefferson