A few minutes ago I was sipping a cup of tea, and looking out my office window at a “Liquid Amber” tree, whose leaves have turned a deep red. And I was reminded of something that happened to me in Lake Forest, California, a couple of years ago…
I was working for FutureTrade, which is based in Lake Forest. My normal routine there was to drive 120 miles or so to Lake Forest, work for two days (staying overnight in a local motel), and then driving back home. On those mornings when I woke up in Lake Forest, my habit was to stop for coffee at a local Starbucks. Most mornings I was there, a particular young lady was on shift; I don’t remember her name, but I called her “Metal Woman” because of the amazing number of metal things she had sticking into and out of her body. Her ears, cheeks, tongue, nose, arms, legs, fingers, and forehead were all festooned with metallic protuberances. More alarmingly, she was not at all shy about discussing and/or showing off her more…private…protuberances to anyone who acted interested. When I first saw her, I noted several bumps under her T-shirt — she saw my glance, and promptly lifted her T-shirt so I could get a good view (yes, she was wearing a bra — and there were bumps under it as well!).
Anyway, one fall morning as I stopped in for my morning coffee, I made a comment to Metal Woman about how pretty the color was on the Liquid Amber trees planted along the sidewalk in front of her Starbucks. She gave me a funny look, and said (I’m not joking!):
"Every year about this time, those trees get sick and their leaves die — and every year, people tell me how it looks nice. I don’t get it!"
A little questioning and I quickly figured out that the entire notion of deciduous trees was a new one to her. When I asked her if she had heard of “fall color” before, she said yes, but she had no idea what it referred to. When I told her that the Liquid Amber trees were a good example of it, she thought it was really kind of creepy that people got all goo-goo about sick trees. When I told her that the trees weren’t sick, but rather adapting to the seasons in order to survive, she gave me the kind of look you might give someone who started raving about the little green men from Alpha Betelguese who were living in the garage.
She didn’t believe me.
I’m told you have to be a high school graduate to work in Starbucks.
Every time I’ve seen fall color since that experience, I think of Metal Woman. Disturbing metallic protuberances on an otherwise attractive woman (albeit with shock exhibitionist tendencies) don’t really go all that well with the simple beauty of fall color, unfortunately. I need a way to purge my mind of Metal Woman…
Updated:
A reader wrote me to ask if I had a problem with exhibitionist women. Absolutely not! I am 100% in favor of women showing me their bodies. I just prefer them without metallic parts…
