Dogs versus Cats

Living in a household with three dogs and nine cats, I can attest to the accuracy of the following (h/t Tom B.):

THE DOG’S DIARY:

7 am- Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!

8 am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 am- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!

2 PM- Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!

3 PM- Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!

4 PM- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

6 PM- Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!

7 PM- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!

8 PM- Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9 PM- Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!

11 PM- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people’s bed! My favorite!

THE CAT’S DIARY:

Day 183 of my captivity…

My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the Furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving string around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded.

Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.

They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was.

This is not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event.

However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called “allergies."

Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.

The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.

The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move.

Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait.

It’s only a matter of time…