Tin Foil Hat Brigade

Reading Bruce Schneier’s excellent blog the other day, I happened across this shocker of a post. At first I was sure this was some elaborate joke on the part of some MIT students — hi-brow hi-jinks. Now I’m not so sure, as the study looks like it could be serious. It starts:

Abstract of On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study:

Among a fringe community of paranoids, aluminum helmets serve as the protective measure of choice against invasive radio signals. We investigate the efficacy of three aluminum helmet designs on a sample group of four individuals. Using a $250,000 network analyser, we find that although on average all helmets attenuate invasive radio frequencies in either directions (either emanating from an outside source, or emanating from the cranium of the subject), certain frequencies are in fact greatly amplified. These amplified frequencies coincide with radio bands reserved for government use according to the Federal Communication Commission (FCC). Statistical evidence suggests the use of helmets may in fact enhance the government’s invasive abilities. We speculate that the government may in fact have started the helmet craze for this reason.

Gotta love that “speculation"! Here’s their conclusion:

Conclusion

The helmets amplify frequency bands that coincide with those allocated to the US government between 1.2 Ghz and 1.4 Ghz. According to the FCC, These bands are supposedly reserved for ''radio location'' (ie, GPS), and other communications with satellites (see, for example, [3]). The 2.6 Ghz band coincides with mobile phone technology. Though not affiliated by government, these bands are at the hands of multinational corporations.

It requires no stretch of the imagination to conclude that the current helmet craze is likely to have been propagated by the Government, possibly with the involvement of the FCC. We hope this report will encourage the paranoid community to develop improved helmet designs to avoid falling prey to these shortcomings.

As Bruce points out (how does he find out about these things?), there is a rebuttal to the study. Here’s a sample of that:

First and foremost, Rahimi et al. only considered simple radio frequencies. As I explained in detail in chapter 4 ("Psychotronic and AFDB Theory") of my book, only psychotronic energy can affect the brain in any coherent manner. Simple EM fields have only trivial effects — such as causing indistinct sensations of a supernatural presence — over short distances. Only by converting electromagnetic energy into psychotronic energy using a psychotron-based device can the forces of mind control access from afar the neural network of a brain to both implant and extract thought complexes.

[FIGURE 1 appears here]

FIGURE 1: An AFDB-covered brain (A) is shielded by a repulsive resonance buffer (B), which deflects psychotronic fields (C). Coherent psychotronic rays (D) are defected at the aluminum surface (E) and decoherently scattered (F). The resonance buffer encapsulates the brain (G), providing basal protection against fields and glancing rays.

As illustrated in Figure 1, unlike with the mere attenuation of EM fields, aluminum deflects psychotronic fields and coherent psychotronic rays. The operational modalities of AFDBs for EM and psychotronic energies are completely different, and thus the experiment conducted by Rahimi et al. is inappropriate to test the effectiveness of deflector beanie technology in stopping mind control.

Oh, my. Psychotronic rays? Deflector beanie technology? Repulsive resonance buffers?

Either (a) the author of the rebuttal has made a marvelous piece of satire, or (b) evolution isn’t quite as effective as I’d hoped. The author is Lyle Zapato; after a little bit of poking around his site, I found this mission statement:

"End subjugation of humanity under Entropic yoke of clandestine and/or paraterrestrial agencies through technological, informational, and spiritual empowerment of individuals employing, but not exploiting, the synergistic leveraging of enterprise level subversion."

I’m pretty sure that’s satire <smile>…

I also had to go take an aspirin to relieve the belly pain derived from laughing so hard at some of his posts. Try “Belgium Doesn’t Exist!” for starters.

Anyway, I’m relieved to be able to say that Zapato’s rebuttal is clearly satire. Now if only I was so certain about the original study…

Oh, and one last thing. One of Bruce’s commenters says:

For those of you who think this is a “Waste of Resources"

This is obviously a couple of grad students playing around and having fun and producing something suitable for the AIR (Annals of Improbable Resource) and/or the Ig nobel prize.

So they go borrow a little equipment and have fun. (Yeah, the equipment was expensive. But if it wasn’t being used at the time, its value is actually negative (it’s depreciating without benefit))

Research in this line is the same as “Is Kansas Flatter than a Pancake” (the answer: YES). Also, one could argue that some interesting research has been produced by such studies, such as the “Sex in MRI machine” study, which actually revealed some interesting results about human anatomy, but seems to have been done on a lark.

This seems totally on point to me. But now I want to know about that “Sex in MRI machine” study!